The Underlying Reason
by Bobbinsx
Summary: Basically,this story starts off at the beginning of New Moon from Jasper's point of view!I'm going to twist ths storyline just a little bit,exploring Jasper's guilt about Edward's pain. The story will obviously change though, more plotlines to be added! x
1. Impatience

I leaned casually against the door frame to the living room, watching with fascination at my little pixie skipping about carrying a box full to the brim with pale pink roses. Her pale face was alight with excitement and her lips were pulled up into an enthusiastic smile. Watching her elegance I still couldn't believe that I deserved this angel. After all the wrongs I committed in the past and after all the pain that I put her through, how could I be so blessed to have her love me back. Alice glanced at me, her topaz eyes bright.

'You look dazed Jasper' she stated, her melodic voice causing me to unintentionally smile gently.

'I'll just never get used to you Alice'

She smiled angelically and blew me a kiss before staggering up the hallway with the box.

A voice echoed from the garage

'Ah Jazz! You're so cute and sweet. But could you please try tone it down?' came Edward's exasperated voice.

I rolled my eyes and sighed heavily. My mind did drift to Alice a lot and it must bother Edward. I was certain however, that his was equally as preoccupied with Bella.

'I'll try' I mumbled.

Alice was my rock, my soul mate, my reason for being. She was the sole reason why I tried so desperately to fit in within the family. I loved my siblings very much but without Alice I'd be nothing.

Her enthusiasm, patience and kindness to me was what made me capable to face each new day. She lit up my darkness those many years ago in a lonely bar in Philadelphia Smiling to myself I strolled towards the kitchen. Alice had transformed the hallway into a pale pink and silver ensemble. Bella was sure to hate it. Even Edward's piano hadn't escaped notice as a pink cake and crystal plates were neatly arranged on the lid. Alice will be Alice and I wouldn't have her any other way. Coming into the kitchen, I spied her in the corner starting to stagger under the pile of heavy books she held in her arms.

'Jazz!' she squealed.

I rushed forward and gently caught her waist with one hand, lifting the pile of books onto the counter with the other.

'You really should take it easy' I whispered gently into her ear.

'But we're running out of time!' she replied, trembling slightly.

I rested my lips of her cold cheekbone, exhaling gently.

'Love, Edward hasn't even left yet'

I felt her small frame shiver as she sighed and she took my hand gently.

I lowered her head to kiss her gently on the cheek. A roar of an engine came from the garage.

'Oh that's Edward gone!' exclaimed Alice

'He'll be back in sixteen minutes'

I rolled my eyes and stroked the back of her thin hand with my fingertips, trying to calm her down. I felt her breathing slow as she reacted to my talent.

'That was unnecessary Jasper' she breathed

'Untrue. Alice you are going to collapse one of these days. I can feel your emotions and you're going to get stressed sooner or later.'

Alice laughed lightly, tightened her grip on my hand and towed me back into the hall, thrusting a pile of balloons into my other arm.

'You, stick these up' she chuckled.

'Why me?'

'..because I'm 4'10'' and you're 6'3'''

I sighed and kissed her softly on the cheek. Alice smiled gently and hugged my waist before skipping back into the kitchen singing at the top of her voice. I laughed and began the task that my angel had left me.

The whole family stood in the hallway, Carlisle tall and professional lingered in the back stroking Esme's hand softly. Rose and Emmett stood a bit away. I glanced at Rose, she was tense. Her perfect lips pressed into a thin line and the disapproval radiating from her was making me feel uncomfortable. It was in dire contrast to what came from Emmett. He was positively giddy with excitement and no doubt ready to laugh at Bella's human antics. Perched in front was Alice, she stood small and dainty her teeth glistening in a wide smile. I couldn't help but grin, she just looked so _cute!_ She was childlike in the way she stood on the balls of her feet watching the door with building excitement. I considered trying to calm her but thought the better of it as she shot me a warning glare. One step ahead of me as always. The purr off the Volvo was soon heard in the distance.

'Ooooh! They're coming!' squealed Alice!

I stepped back naturally and leaned against the banister of the stairs. In my days spent with Bella in Phoenix I had grown used to being so close to her…but when I was allowed to get desensitised the gruelling task began again so I considered it wise to keep a distance. Alice smiled in encouragement at me and I couldn't help but feel more confident.

'Ten seconds' she murmured.


	2. Resistance

**Author's Note.**

_**Thanks to the few people who reviewed my first chapter, I really appreciate it! Sorry for the delay in the next one, I have exams starting on the 4**__**th**__** of June, so I've been keeping busy. There might be a delay in the next chapter too, at least until the exams finish. So, please review if possible. Thank you all so much! Remember, this is my first attempt at a fanfic, so constructive comments, thanks! Oh and of course I didn't create any of the characters, places, quotes from the book etc, they all belong to the amazing Stephenie Meyer. **_

_**So, enjoy!**_

The front door swung open and I stiffened. Carlisle shot me a warning glance, his eyes comforting. Carlisle understood the hardship. He had spent much of his new life disgusted with himself and trying to end it in any form possible. Though I could never compare my troubles with his, it was some comfort to know that someone at least partly understood. The cool evening breeze blew Bella's potent scent towards us and it washed around the large room, making my throat water and my head spin. I tried my hardest not to breathe but she was still present and my mind knew for what it yearned. I could feel anxiety emanating from Carlisle and I was certain that he understood the complexity of the situation. Rosalie just glanced at me, her expression smug, she felt it too. Emmett on the other hand appeared to not have noticed at all, he was joyous with excitement.

'Happy Birthday Bella!' we all chorused.

Bella looked at the floorboards and the blood rushed to her cheeks. It was so soft, so close, so sweet and so very tempting…Edward's head shot up and his eyes narrowed at me. Nobody appeared to notice this gesture. I gulped trying to dry my throat and backed further against the banister. I watched with jealously as Esme kissed her cheek and Carlisle hugged her softly. Edward's topaz eyes burned into mine while all this was taking place with such ferocity that I had struggle look away. I knew better then to even attempt to calm his emotions now. Edward's warnings were the only thing possibly keeping me in check.

Alice had come back to stand next to me, I presumed that she too had got the scent of Bella and understood that I might be having some problems. She put her tiny hand in mine and squeezed it gently, her eyes elsewhere. Alice too was worried but her enthusiasm overcame this.

Emmett ambled forward grinning.

'I expected a perceptible difference but here you are red-faced just like always'

Bella mumbled her thanks and blushed deeper, I shook silently and Alice's cool grip tightened.

Emmett guffawed with laughter and marched out the door for 'a second.' I felt a pang of jealousy, why couldn't I have left too?

There was silence for a moment. Alice dropped my hand hesitantly and skipped forward, her teeth gleaming. Bella turned her head to look at me, I forced a tiny smile. I could sense her confusion. After all, we had spent days cooped together in tiny hotel rooms with no problems, why was now so different? I myself actually had no answer to that.

Alice grabbed Bella's elbow and towed her towards the table which held the cake and some small parcels. Edward finally released me with his eyes and I could watch the proceedings with more success.

'Time to open presents!' declared Alice, her eyes alight with happiness.

'Alice, I know I told you I didn't want anything…' moaned Bella.

'But I didn't listen. Open it'

Alice thrust a silver box into Bella's outstretched arms. Bella sighed dramatically and began to fumble with the lid, flicking her long brown hair out of her eyes, the motion sent waves of her scent flowing once more in my direction. I once again shut my eyes, as the venom burned in my mouth, coating my teeth and accelerating my breathing. This didn't help matters, for the past ten minutes I had been fighting my instincts not to take in a breath. The oxygen was saturated with a sweet, sickly scent… it was desirable, seemed impossible to resist…I was wrapped in my own thoughts for so long that I jumped when I heard Emmett's booming laugh echoing from the garage. The other voices were just a soft background noise in my mind. Even the emotions of those around me, seemed to cease to exist. I fought a bitter war with myself, my eyes burned underneath my lids, wanting, yearning to blaze open. My fingers itched with the longing to reach forward, it was only a short distance to cross… I could do it so quickly and so easily, I would not let her feel pain…

I could hazily make out Edward's voice in the distance, even though he was a mere three feet away from me, he seemed to have manoeuvred himself to stand between Bella and I. His voice had an edge to it.

'I didn't spend a dime' he promised Bella.

'Give it to me' sighed Bella.

There was a rustle of paper and I was no longer in control. The others all leaned forward and I followed suit but for a different reason entirely. I inhaled deeply, the smell of her blood saturated my nostrils. Edward's eyes flashed, then something changed.

'Shoot' muttered Bella.

A thin drop of blood leaked from her finger, falling in a tiny crimson drop onto the silver wrappings of the parcel.

'NO!' Edward roared.

I lunged forward, gasping. Edward flung his body forward and I collided with it, the force knocking the breath from my lungs. I snarled and snapped at Edward's jaw line, everything I wanted was within my reach. Bella had been flung into the pile of shattered crystal and blood poured down her arm, pooling on the floor, the colour was vivid scarlet and the _smell…. My eyes were unfocused as I continued to growl and snap at Edward until a pair of cold arms caught me around the waist and heaved me away from his cold chest. _

_I could vaguely make out Carlisle's calm voice. How could he remain so unfazed?_

'_Emmett, Rose, get Jasper outside.''_

_Emmett's voice was grim._

'_Let's go Jasper'_

_I snarled with fury and pulled at his steel arms, my eyes focused on Bella who was staring at me in pure terror. My teeth grazed along Emmett's shoulder and he flinched. It was not a full bite, but he felt the trace of venom. Rose appeared at his side, her head leaned just out of my reach. I growled at her, she ignored me, oddly smug and held the door open. A tiny flash of black appeared at my side, instinctively I lunged out and snapped at it , just as we passed through the door. I felt my teeth embed into something cold and hard._

_Emmett gasped and basically threw me out the front door, Rose slammed it shut behind me and there was a grim silence._

_Emmett was the first to speak._

'_Do you know who you just bit?'_


	3. Decision

I stared at Emmet's white face in shock, his dark eyes were furious and anger rolled off him in waves. Rosalie stood a few feet away, her face apathetic. She was indifferent to the situation though, I could tell that something was bothering her. She had never cared too much for Bella and that made me wonder, what I had done?

'What…did I do?' I voiced.

The venom was beginning to drain from my saliva, leaving me refreshed and able to think clearly. All I needed was to be separated from the smell of Bella's sweet blood.

'Alice' replied Rosalie, she strode forward to stand beside Emmett, her hands on her hips.

Alice…that caught my attention and I blinked. I didn't remember anything about Alice, all I remember was reaching out at a speck of black and…. Black.

'What about her?' I gulped.

Their anger and bitterness immediately faded and pity was all I could feel.

It succeeded in making me even more worried.

--

--

I paused at our bedroom door, my hand resting on the door knob. I bit on my lip and strained to hear any noises from inside. There was silence. I knew she was there, however…unless the room itself had an emotion. Pain. It made me shudder, as my love's worry and fear washed over me, pulling me under.

'Alice?' I called gently.

There was no reply but the emotions shifted slightly. It did no good, I could tell she was trying to cover up what she was feeling and it was obvious.

I couldn't put it off any longer, I turned the door knob and stepped lightly into the room, my feet not making a sound on the plush carpet. The window was throw wide open and the linen curtains billowed out, in the bitter cold breeze. Coldness did not bother either of us but the breeze was still an annoyance. Why she had the window open, I had no idea.

She was there, naturally, curled into a tight ball on the floor, her back resting on the supporting wall.

Her tiny frame shook silently and she still didn't look up. I began to worry as I strode the length of the room in three strides and sank to my knees next to her.

'Alice.' I repeated once again, taking her chin in my hand and tilting it gently upwards to make her look at me. Her eyes were wide and expressionless, her lips forced together in a thin line. Yet, she was not angry, it was something else. My eyes drifted to the rest of her and I noticed that her left arm was clutching at her collar bone. I raised an eyebrow and reached out gently to move it. Her grip tightened.

'No.' she murmured.

'Alice, please….'

Her grip was easily broken and I firmly, yet softly pushed her arm away and I gasped.

Illuminated with the dim sunlight streaming in the window, a faint silver crescent was raised above her collar bone. Her eyes reached mine and they bored into me.

'It's nothing, really.' she protested and her arm once again was raised to cover the wound.

'Don't touch it. It makes it worse' I instructed, trying in vain to hide the horror which I felt. How could I have done this to her?

I was meant to protect her, not be the one to harm her.

'It stings' she said softly, another tremble racking her body.

I picked her up gently from the floor, pressing her against my cold chest and moved to sit on our couch, cradling her against me, feeling each shake. I shared her pain, through my ability and tried to calm her as much as possible.

There was only so much I could do, I hoped that I was helping by just being present as I ran my fingers through her ebony hair.

Alice said very little all this time, her eyes remained closed, her breathing light and her emotions consistent. Occasionally she asked a question such as how long the wound would sting for and her despair was ominous when I informed her that it could be as long as three days….The pain and time being worse, given her small stature.

I felt guilt, tremendous guilt. How could I have been so idiotic?

Losing my control with Bella like that was unacceptable then to harm my supposed true love. How could she take me back after this?

Her feelings suggested that she would, there was no anger there, though there was some pity.

She was the one pitying me and that me feel, if possible, even worse.

I held her tight, tucking her head under my chin and humming gently.

I made a decision, there was no way that I could put her through this again. After all, who was I fooling? A creature such as Alice deserved better than me. I could no longer live as a vegetarian…I could not do it. I failed at every step along the way, I still had not managed to last more than three months of abstinence. I would return to the only way of life that I knew possible.

I fervently hoped that Alice's pain would distract her from her visions, it seemed to, even as I made up my mind as to what I planned to do, she did not stir from her comfortable position.

I pressed my lips gently to her wound and slid her off my lap and onto the couch.

'I'll be right back'

'Ok…' she replied, still dazed.

I paused before I stood up, kissed her softly once again and made my way to the door.

'I'm sorry' I whispered.

I heard her gentle voice answering as I closed the door, felt her confusion and felt my own as I walked away slowly.

_**Well, Ta-da!**_

_**Please review.**_

_**Much appreciated.**_

_**x**_


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